About this Blog


The birth of this blog came while going through a painful, and complicated relationship break up. I know that what I am experiencing right now is the effects of the shattered dreams; the heartbreak of grief and loss. The shameful thoughts of “I thought I had got it so right this time and I didn’t “; the relentless heartache that never seems like it will stop is what many women all over the world experience and feel at such times. What I am feeling right now is the pain of many women.

Right now I am having to call on all my strength and resources to get through the devastating experience of disentangling from a highly narcissistic man, with who I fell completely in love. Anyone who has been through this knows what I am talking about.

This leads me to think about what I value about myself to continue moving forward. In this awful situation that I find myself in (I moved countries, leaving grandchildren, friends and family ) I feel a lot of shame and that I have failed. Those close to me were so happy for me that at last, I had found the “right companion”. Indeed my grief and distress at times feel unbearable.

I decided the other day to reframe how I talk to myself about my relationship history, instead of hanging my head with shame.  Others of you may relate to this. We take on other’s abuse of us as if it is our shame and we blame ourselves.

“All I thought I wanted was to marry the boy next door and live happily ever after.” That was the myth of happiness that was around when I was young. Instead, I have had a colourful and varied love life with many highs and lows. On the one hand, I feel sad that I do not have an enduring intimate partner companionship at this stage of my life. On the other, I honour myself that I have reached out to love and be loved with sincere and honest intent and left relationships when it has not been healthy for me to remain. Above all, I honour myself that I value living an authentic life and keeping my heart open to love, in spite of the disappointments and heartache along the way.

This is the kind of person I wish to be, and I choose to be.

So this blog is about strength, courage, resilience and claiming self-esteem amid adversity. Digging deep inside ourselves, even when it feels there is nothing left, is empowering ourselves with whatever works, such as writing this blog.

Saying a resounding YES to the question “am I worth it”?

Here is a wonderful piece of writing that strengthens me. Hope it strengthens you too.

“Refuse to fall.

If you cannot refuse to fall,

refuse to stay down.

If you cannot refuse to stay down,

lift your heart towards heaven

and like a hungry beggar,

ask that it be filled.

You may be pushed down.

You may be kept from rising.

But no one can keep you

from lifting your heart 

Toward heaven-

only you.

It is in the midst of misery

that so much becomes clear.

The one who says nothing good

came of this,

is not yet listening”.

-Clarissa Pinkola Estes.

rosmlewis

Clinician, Lecturer, Group Facilitator, Educator and Supervisor in Education, Social Services and Mental Health.

2 Comments

  • Dan McLean
    September 25, 2015 at 1:28 pm

    Kia ora Ros, Congratulations on setting this great web site up, It is refreshing to read honest korero. I look forward to reading more as it grows.
    Arohanui Dan

    • rosmlewis
      Rosalind Lewis
      September 30, 2015 at 11:04 pm

      Thank you Dan , just found your comment , technical error on my part ! Great to read šŸ˜Š.
      Ros

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About me

Rosalind Lewis

Rosalind Lewis

Professionally I haveĀ 33 years experience as a Clinician, Lecturer, Group Facilitator, Educator and Supervisor in Education, Social Services and Mental Health. I currently live in Melbourne, Australia and work in Mental Health. I have a particular interest in supporting and empowering women and men to be all they can be, by assisting the discovery of tools that help themĀ find strength to transform difficulties into opportunities,Ā enriching theirĀ lives both personally and professionally. I am a New Zealand Registered Psychotherapist with PBANZ, member of the New Zealand Association of Psychotherapists and have a Masters of Health Science (Psychotherapy) First Class Honours. My research thesis was about the long term consequences of intimate partner violence for women. I am influenced and informed by both my professional experiences and my own personal journey, which has involved many challenges and celebrations along the way.