About this Blog
The birth of this blog came while going through a painful, and complicated relationship break up. I know that what I am experiencing right now is the effects of the shattered dreams; the heartbreak of grief and loss. The shameful thoughts of “I thought I had got it so right this time and I didn’t “; the relentless heartache that never seems like it will stop is what many women all over the world experience and feel at such times. What I am feeling right now is the pain of many women.
Right now I am having to call on all my strength and resources to get through the devastating experience of disentangling from a highly narcissistic man, with who I fell completely in love. Anyone who has been through this knows what I am talking about.
This leads me to think about what I value about myself to continue moving forward. In this awful situation that I find myself in (I moved countries, leaving grandchildren, friends and family ) I feel a lot of shame and that I have failed. Those close to me were so happy for me that at last, I had found the “right companion”. Indeed my grief and distress at times feel unbearable.
I decided the other day to reframe how I talk to myself about my relationship history, instead of hanging my head with shame. Others of you may relate to this. We take on other’s abuse of us as if it is our shame and we blame ourselves.
“All I thought I wanted was to marry the boy next door and live happily ever after.” That was the myth of happiness that was around when I was young. Instead, I have had a colourful and varied love life with many highs and lows. On the one hand, I feel sad that I do not have an enduring intimate partner companionship at this stage of my life. On the other, I honour myself that I have reached out to love and be loved with sincere and honest intent and left relationships when it has not been healthy for me to remain. Above all, I honour myself that I value living an authentic life and keeping my heart open to love, in spite of the disappointments and heartache along the way.
This is the kind of person I wish to be, and I choose to be.
So this blog is about strength, courage, resilience and claiming self-esteem amid adversity. Digging deep inside ourselves, even when it feels there is nothing left, is empowering ourselves with whatever works, such as writing this blog.
Saying a resounding YES to the question “am I worth it”?
Here is a wonderful piece of writing that strengthens me. Hope it strengthens you too.
“Refuse to fall.
If you cannot refuse to fall,
refuse to stay down.
If you cannot refuse to stay down,
lift your heart towards heaven
and like a hungry beggar,
ask that it be filled.
You may be pushed down.
You may be kept from rising.
But no one can keep you
from lifting your heart
It is in the midst of misery
that so much becomes clear.
The one who says nothing good
came of this,
is not yet listening”.
-Clarissa Pinkola Estes.