Speaking Out
I have just spoken out publicly about being sexually abused by James K Baxter, a famous poet and literary figure in New Zealand. It was published in a weekend journal, circulated by three major newspapers in three major cities in New Zealand a fortnight ago.
I have been very pleased with wonderful responses from men and women supporting me and my article. Some very sad, telling me of other abuses by the famous man. Many men have contacted me validating my courage and the way I wrote my article. This is heart warming, showing some changes happening slowly in our male culture. I didn’t get “You must be a bloody feminist who hates men”.
What I didn’t quite bargain for was my experience last night. I was watching a soppy movie about love and death which was a real tear jerker. Then I remembered so clearly that the abuse by Baxter was my first sexual assault. There have been others. It was like when one remembers the first time with a lover, except this time it was about remembering one’s first experience of sexual abuse. How devastatingly sad. And there are many like me.
I started crying and crying for myself and the naive young woman that I was. I wrote a poem and looked at this photo of myself in hippie days, so young, so soft. I am reading to my beautiful niece, Penny.
The body always remembers. It is so f…….. hard to speak out or write about sexual abuse dear friends. That’s why many never do. Never underestimate the courage and vulnerability it takes for any man, woman or child to do so. Offer them your love, compassion and understanding. Above all, do your best to be a safe man or woman for others to be around.
Thankyou to everyone who has supported me and what I have written. It means a lot.
Tonight I cried
for the girl
who was me.
so sad
for her heart
her naivety.
She didn’t know
that there
were
wolves
waiting
to devour
her
eat her up
spit her out.
She was only
eighteen
all she
wanted
was love.
How could
she know
that this
would be
her first
sexual assault.
Written by Ros Lewis
