The Beauty of Being Single

Being Single Without Shame

I am just an ordinary woman who longs for connection, love and warmth with another. I have been trying to not feel ashamed of this fact, in the face of meeting many single women my age who say they don’t need an intimate love relationship anymore.

Sure, I can hold my hand, be a good friend to myself and love myself as we single women are encouraged to do by relationship experts before they seek another partner. However, the fact remains, desiring love and connection with another is a very human thing to feel. An alternative to not feeling this way is to shut myself down emotionally, which is an option, but not one that I choose.

In our obsessive quest for happiness, positivity and success and to appear as if we are experiencing all these things, it can be easy to collude with each other and pretend we do not struggle with our longing for authentic love and connection. This is a truth for many of us I believe, whether we are married, partnered or single. Maybe those who are diagnosed with a ‘mental illness’ are the more honest amongst us. They wear their emotional pain more overtly and openly, as we who are seemingly ‘normal’ carry on with our parade of happiness as if it is always so in our lives.

I for one, drop out of this smiling parade, put my hand up and say, “I feel fragile sometimes, I feel lonely sometimes, I feel troubled sometimes.” I try to not feel ashamed at such admissions in the company of those who seem obsessed with sounding happy and success all of the time, admit to no struggles and appear thoroughly content with their state of human beingness.

I currently diagnose myself as a melancholic extrovert, with a good dose of social confidence, ten tablespoons of hard-won courage, three dessert spoons of struggle and a pinch of happiness now and then.

Anyone care to join me for dinner and conversation?


Clinician, Lecturer, Group Facilitator, Educator and Supervisor in Education, Social Services and Mental Health.

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  • Wendy Macklin
    April 20, 2019 at 8:06 am

    Hello Ros, I was most interested in your experiences with James K Baxter and reading the other side of his so called famous NZ poet life. I was living in NZ. also at that time and read much about him so not surprised at your experience.
    I looked up your blog and read them all. I now live in Adelaide and have struggled through the same issues as you have written about and come to the same conclusions but how lovely to have it written so well by you.
    Thank you, today I needed to read your blog and confirm to myself that I am okay and that I am not alone in my thoughts.
    Ka keti anoe

    • rosmlewis
      Rosalind Lewis
      April 20, 2019 at 8:15 am

      Thankyou so much for your words Wendy. So glad you found strength from what I wrote.
      Kia Kaha x

  • Amanda BURCHELL
    August 22, 2016 at 6:48 pm

    Hi Ros! Well, I can offer you a shared dinner, a wine and a sympathetic ear. I am enjoying reading your entries too – with a nice glass of Merlot. I’m not always as ‘happy as socially-acceptably-prescribed’ – but I AM happy with mostly being a contented 59 year old. I admit it would be nice to meet someone to hold hands with as we stroll around the markets or watch a movie. Someone to go to dinner with and travel with … but I am 2 years separated from a man who I did none of these things with – who made me feel lonely and very sad. Now, most days, I wake up and feel pretty good, on the whole. I don’t write off finding someone, but as the much-partnered Maggie Taberer says: ‘It’s possible… anything’s possible.. but its not very probable'” – and I don’t really mind either way…. See you soon Ros!

    • rosmlewis
      Rosalind Lewis
      August 23, 2016 at 5:35 pm

      Thanks Amanda , for your comments ? they are great ! I do know what you mean , one can very lonely and sad in a relationship also. How important that you are finding much greater peace and contentment these days , with your own company.



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About me

Rosalind Lewis

Rosalind Lewis

Professionally I have 33 years experience as a Clinician, Lecturer, Group Facilitator, Educator and Supervisor in Education, Social Services and Mental Health. I currently live in Melbourne, Australia and work in Mental Health. I have a particular interest in supporting and empowering women and men to be all they can be, by assisting the discovery of tools that help them find strength to transform difficulties into opportunities, enriching their lives both personally and professionally. I am a New Zealand Registered Psychotherapist with PBANZ, member of the New Zealand Association of Psychotherapists and have a Masters of Health Science (Psychotherapy) First Class Honours. My research thesis was about the long term consequences of intimate partner violence for women. I am influenced and informed by both my professional experiences and my own personal journey, which has involved many challenges and celebrations along the way.