Being Single Without Shame
I am just an ordinary woman who longs for connection, love and warmth with another. I have been trying to not feel ashamed of this fact, in the face of meeting many single women my age who say they don’t need an intimate love relationship anymore.
Sure, I can hold my hand, be a good friend to myself and love myself as we single women are encouraged to do by relationship experts before they seek another partner. However, the fact remains, desiring love and connection with another is a very human thing to feel. An alternative to not feeling this way is to shut myself down emotionally, which is an option, but not one that I choose.
In our obsessive quest for happiness, positivity and success and to appear as if we are experiencing all these things, it can be easy to collude with each other and pretend we do not struggle with our longing for authentic love and connection. This is a truth for many of us I believe, whether we are married, partnered or single. Maybe those who are diagnosed with a ‘mental illness’ are the more honest amongst us. They wear their emotional pain more overtly and openly, as we who are seemingly ‘normal’ carry on with our parade of happiness as if it is always so in our lives.
I for one, drop out of this smiling parade, put my hand up and say, “I feel fragile sometimes, I feel lonely sometimes, I feel troubled sometimes.” I try to not feel ashamed at such admissions in the company of those who seem obsessed with sounding happy and success all of the time, admit to no struggles and appear thoroughly content with their state of human beingness.
I currently diagnose myself as a melancholic extrovert, with a good dose of social confidence, ten tablespoons of hard-won courage, three dessert spoons of struggle and a pinch of happiness now and then.
Anyone care to join me for dinner and conversation?