Recovery from heartbreak

Recovery ….


Still in recovery from the Narcissistic ex partner! Why does it take sooo long, sigh! I am working so hard at it and yet I know that recovering from deep grief , loss and disappointment takes as long as it takes . I feel completely shattered by my experience with him and at the same time doing the best I can to re -build my life again . Some days I feel strong and resilient and I feel as if I am reclaiming my life and my heart back again . Other days I find myself in a heap of tears , self pity and utter devastation !

Sadly , my love life is now reduced to watching “The Bachelorette “with my gin and tonic in hand , watching much younger and more glamorous people than myself ,searching for love and that fairy-tale ending . Good on them , I think to myself , for daring to believe , while my own disappointment in “Iove’s promises “hurts like hell !

I am tenderly heartened by a quote I read the other day from Brene Browns latest book “Rising Strong”.

The process of regaining our emotional footing in the midst of struggle is where our courage is tested and our values are forged . Rising strong after a fall is how we cultivate wholeheartedness in our lives; it’s the process that teaches us the most about who we are .

Embracing failure without acknowledging the real hurt and fear that it can cause , or the complex journey that underlies rising strong , is gold-plating grit. To strip failure of its real emotional consequences is to scrub the concepts of grit and resilience of the very qualities that make them both so important – toughness, doggedness, and perseverance . “

Maybe these words will strengthen you as well , whatever challenges you are facing right now .


rosmlewis

Clinician, Lecturer, Group Facilitator, Educator and Supervisor in Education, Social Services and Mental Health.

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8 Comments

  • Sohan
    May 25, 2016 at 4:48 pm

    Hi Rosalind,

    It’s Ken (Sohan is my middle name). From the Writers Meetup on Tues (24th May). It was great to meet you, and I appreciate the poetry reading.

    My new book is actually about a failing relationship (marriage) in a fictional setting. I would love to get your insight on the matter, but I also think that for the benefit of your readers you could do a blog series of how your relationship went from ideal to breakup. (I understand if this is sensitive material, so I’m only asking for how you felt during the stages of the relationship, not so much what your ex-partner did or not do).

    I’m only suggesting this because a personal recount of the journey might help identify stages of a relationship to your readers (and yes, I’d benefit greatly too, but that’s a minor matter).

    It was awesome to meet you, and I hope you consider my suggestion to write full fiction from your experiences at work and life. Like I said, you sound like you have multiple books in you, and stories are a great way to relate to your readers (rather than just non fiction).

    Hope to meet you again.

    Ken.

    • rosmlewis
      Rosalind Lewis
      June 2, 2016 at 10:04 pm

      Hi Ken , thank you for your encouraging words . I will reflect on what you say . All the best for your writing also . I look forward to meeting you again at the next writers group gathering , Ros

    • Amanda BURCHELL
      August 23, 2016 at 3:00 am

      Hi Ros – and Ken.
      .. Like Ken, I think it would be enlightening to have you outline the stages of your experience with the NPD ..? relationship that you have recently exited. I believe that I have also had such an experience. At different times I have looked up the traits of an Narcissistic personality and I am shocked and in some denial too – that the traits are so recognisable and definable. Why was I such a sucker?! Well, the Narcissist knows its prey, doesn’t it? I was ‘in the market’ for the Narcissist’s ‘Box of Chocolates and Roses – treatment’. The few sweet moments were NOT worth all the grief, that’s all I know, now. … I would be interested in your clear and clinical outline of your experience – I guess for insights to my own response to a narcissist – but I’m sure many others’ would empathise as well.

      • rosmlewis
        Rosalind Lewis
        August 23, 2016 at 5:43 pm

        Hi Amanda , yes I could outline a bit more about my experience with my narcissist ex partner. It is truly an astonishing experience which I am still recovering from I have to say ! The grief and shock is less acute now , but just the other day, like you , I was berating myself about how I could been so stupid! ! However , as one of my close friends said who met him, “Ros , he fooled us all.” The nature of the beast I am afraid. I have written much poetry about my experiences with him ( my way of trying to process it) so I will consider sharing some of it on this blog. We can all strengthen each other I am sure by such sharing . Ros

  • Lidia
    February 3, 2016 at 7:40 pm

    Learning a ton from these neat arlsetci.

    • rosmlewis
      Rosalind Lewis
      February 6, 2016 at 4:59 pm

      Thats good Lidia, glad they are helpful šŸ™‚

  • Tupou
    December 6, 2015 at 7:02 pm

    Love your blogs Ros… Xxx

    • rosmlewis
      Rosalind Lewis
      December 20, 2015 at 8:19 pm

      Hi Tupou,
      Thank you for your encouragement. Still experimenting with my blog! Its getting the hang of the technology that is the challenge, not so much the writing lol,
      Ros

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About me

Rosalind Lewis

Rosalind Lewis

Professionally I haveĀ 29 years experience as a Clinician, Lecturer, Group Facilitator, Educator and Supervisor in Education, Social Services and Mental Health. I currently live in Melbourne, Australia and work in Mental Health. I have a particular interest in supporting and empowering women and men to be all they can be, by assisting the discovery of tools that help themĀ find strength to transform difficulties into opportunities,Ā enriching theirĀ lives both personally and professionally. I am a New Zealand Registered Psychotherapist with PBANZ, member of the New Zealand Association of Psychotherapists and have a Masters of Health Science (Psychotherapy) First Class Honours. My research thesis was about the long term consequences of intimate partner violence for women. I am influenced and informed by both my professional experiences and my own personal journey, which has involved many challenges and celebrations along the way.